32让我交通一点自己的经历。当我是个活跃的年轻人时,我想我能,也该为神作许多事。我相信我很聪明,颇有主动力,也很能干。所以我梦想为神,为召会作许多事。不久之后,属天的光开始照在我身上。虽然在开头看得并不太多,但那光日以继夜,甚至在我睡著的时候,也不断的照亮我。最后我被照亮到一个地步,低头在主面前说,『主阿,我不敢看自己或想自己了,我所是的一切都是羞耻。我全人的每一部分都是丑陋的!』我的确这样看自己。那是我开始领悟主血宝贵的时候。我祷告说,『主阿,我没有甚么可说的,洁净我!用你的血洁净我!洁净我的眼睛,洁净我的思想,洁净我全人的每一部分。主,洁净每一样东西。』有一天我向主认罪,认了整整半天。虽然那时我不停的认罪,到末了我觉得我的认罪还是不透彻。在我里面深深自责,再也不敢作任何事了。我只能说,『主,我不该发起任何事。不是我的所作,乃是我整个人都需要你的洁净。主,我只有应用你的血。主,你来主动。如果你不作甚么,我也不作。』我被属天的异象抓住。我看见我整个人全然是罪,我不该发明甚么事或发起甚么事,凡从我出来的每一件事在神眼中都是败坏的。连我悔改的眼泪都需要主血的洗净。在我的悔改中还有己的成分,使我的悔改不纯净。因此,我需要为那悔改而悔改。这就是应用耶稣的血并穿上基督作义、作遮盖的意思。我终于知道我需要基督的血。我终于领悟我所作的每一件事,都只该是基督的活出,作我的遮盖。『现在活著的,不再是我。乃是基督在我里面活著。』这就是将头生的和脂油献给主的意思。我可以见证,我从来没有像那时候那样喜乐过。我被主的甘甜所充满,我是在诸天界里。这就是亚伯的经历。我知道读本篇信息的人,很多都有这样的经历。
32Let me share with you some of my own experience. When I was an active young man, I thought that I could and should do many things for God. I believed that I was quite intelligent, that I had considerable initiative, and that I was very capable. So, I dreamed of the many things I would do for God and for the church. Not long afterward, the heavenly light began to shine upon me. Although I did not see very much at first, the light continued to shine day and night, even while I slept. Eventually I was enlightened to such an extent that I bowed before the Lord and said, “Lord, I dare not see myself or think about myself. All that I am is a shame. Every part of my being is ugly.” I truly saw myself in such away. That was the time I began to realize the preciousness of the Lord’s blood. I prayed, “Lord, I have nothing to say. Cleanse me. Cleanse me with Your blood. Cleanse my eyes, cleanse my thoughts, cleanse every part of my being. Lord, cleanse everything.” One day I made a confession to the Lord that lasted for half a day. Although I confessed continuously without letup, I felt, at the end of that time, that my confession had not been thorough. Within me came the deep conviction that I did not dare to do anything. I could only say, “Lord, I should not initiate anything. My whole being needs Your cleansing, not my doing. Lord, I just apply Your blood. Lord, You take the initiative. If You do not do anything, neither will I.” I had been caught by the heavenly vision. I had seen that my entire being was altogether sinful, that I should not invent anything or initiate anything, that everything that proceeded out of me was defiled in the eyes of God, that even my tears of repentance needed to be washed with the blood, and that in my repentance was an element of the self that made my repentance impure. Thus, I had to repent of that repentance. This is what it means to apply the blood of Jesus and to put on Christ as your righteousness, as your covering. I had come to know my need for the blood of Christ. I had come to realize that everything I do should simply be the living of Christ as my covering. “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.” This is what it means to offer the firstlings and the fat to the Lord. I can testify that never have I been as joyful as at that time. I was filled with the sweetness of the Lord. I was in the heavens. This is the experience of Abel. I know that many of you reading this message have had this kind of experience.