8我们之所以没有谦让宜人，常是因著误解。在召会生活里，我们可能常常不了解弟兄姊妹。在家庭生活中，我们也可能不了解自己的丈夫或妻子。缺少了解会导致缺少谦让宜人。假如保罗误解腓立比人，他必定不会写这么美好的一封书信给他们，反而会指出他最需要他们援助的时候，援助却没有来到。现在他们想到他，派人送来餽赠，已经太迟了。然而，保罗完全明白神的经纶和神的行动；他也明白撒但诡诈的攻击；他更明白腓立比圣徒和他们的光景。对他而言，每一件事都像水晶般的透亮。因此，在他这一面没有任何误会。他写信给腓立比信徒的时候，能彀显出他是极其谦让宜人。保罗写信给腓立比人的时候，也相当有智慧。他知道该说甚么，也知道该说多少。我们若仔细读这封书信，就会看见保罗的遣词用字非常精确。他的写法既不太冗长，也不太简略。在此我们看见保罗的智慧。保罗写信给腓立比人时需要有智慧；我们在婚姻生活中也需要有智慧。丈夫对妻子说话时需要有智慧，妻子与丈夫交谈时也需要有智慧。我在这里要强调，妻子与丈夫谈话时，一定要有智慧。假如一位姊妹想要和丈夫谈一件特别的事，那么在她说话之前，一定先要有了解、体谅和智慧。倘若她说话的时机不对，或是说得太多，就会使丈夫不仅生她的气，更迁怒于召会生活中其他的人，甚至迁怒于长老。有时候，丈夫对长老不满，就是因为妻子传达消息给他的时候，缺少了解、体谅和智慧。甚至姊妹传递消息给丈夫时，也极其需要谦让宜人。故此，她必须对自己丈夫和丈夫的光景有正确的了解。她若晓得丈夫是个急性子的人，对事情易起急促的反应，容易生气或受刺激，她就需要考虑帮助他忍耐、慢下来。她尤其需要考虑，需要对丈夫说多少话。也许她一开始只交通一点。然后，再多说一点之前，她该先考虑当时的气氛，分辨那是不是让丈夫再多听一点的适当时机。头一次她可以先交通一点，下次再交通一点，其余的留到再下一次。倘若这位姊妹有谦让宜人，有了解、体谅和智慧，她对丈夫说话的结果，对他们的婚姻生活和召会生活都会有莫大的助益。
8Often we are not forbearing because of misunderstanding. In the church life often we may not understand the brothers and sisters. In our family life we may fail to understand our husband or wife. This lack of understanding causes a lack of forbearance. Suppose Paul had misunderstood the Philippians. He certainly would not have written them such a marvelous epistle. Instead, he might have pointed out that when he most needed their help, it was not forthcoming. Now that they remembered him and sent him a gift, it arrived too late. Paul, however, had a full understanding of God’secon o my and His move; he also understood the subtlety of Satan’s attack. Moreover, he understood the saints in Philippi and their situation. To him everything was crystal clear. Thus, on his part there was no misunderstanding. He could exercise much forbearance in writing to the believers in Philippi. In writing to the Philippians, Paul also exercised wisdom. He knew what to say and how much to say. If we read this epistle carefully, we shall realize that Paul’s wording is very exact. Paul wrote in away that was neither too lengthy nor too brief. Here we see Paul’s wisdom. Paul needed to exercise wisdom in writing to the Philippians, and there is the need for us also to exercise wisdom in our married life. Husbands need wisdom in speaking with their wives, and wives need wisdom in sharing matters with their husbands. Here I would emphasize the need for the wife to have wisdom toward her husband. Suppose a sister intends to talk about a particular matter with her husband. Before she says anything, she needs to exercise understanding, consideration, and wisdom. If she speaks to him at the wrong time or if she says too much to him concerning the subject at hand, she may cause him to become angry not only with her, but also with others in the church life, even with the elders. Sometimes a husband becomes upset with the elders simply because his wife gives him information without exercising understanding, consideration, and wisdom. Even in passing on information to her husband, a sister needs a great deal of forbearance. For this, she needs a proper understanding of her husband and of his situation. If she realizes that her husband is a quick person, one who reacts hastily to things and who is easily angered or upset, she needs to consider how to help him to be patient and slow down. In particular, she needs to consider how much she should speak to him. Perhaps at first she should share only part of the information. Before saying more, she should consider the atmosphere and discern whether it is the proper time for her husband to hear more. She may share something at one time, something further at another time, and the remainder at still another time. If the sister is forbearing, exercising understanding, consideration, and wisdom, the result of her speaking with her husband will be very profitable both for their married life and for the church life.