9我能从经历中作见证说,基督徒生活中最难的事莫过于操练活基督。我们可能『圣别』、『属灵』、『得胜』,而没有活基督。我们可能『圣别』、『属灵』、『得胜』,却仍然是活我们天然的生命;我们并没有活基督。我天生是一个急性子的人。当我姊姊听到我转向了主,她很高兴,想帮助我,特别是要帮助我对付天然的急性子。她不责备我,也不纠正我,却向我说到一些说话行事慢条斯理的人。我知道她这么用心良苦,就对主说,我真后悔我性子这么急,求主使我能慢下来。但是我所作的,不过像猴子模倣人类一样。虽然我能刻意的慢个两、三天,最后老毛病又发了,还是急性子。因为我生来就是快的人,没有办法叫自己慢下来。那时我的姊姊想帮助我,她一直教导我要慢。但是她没有帮助我活基督。五十年后的今天,我能又慢、又忍耐,我也能控制我的脾气。我可以这么说,我能圣别、属灵、而且得胜。但是我又发现,即使不活基督也能如此。我们要活基督,就必须接受祂作我们的人位和生命。虽然我在这事上有进步,但我承认我的操练还不十分成功。我差不多每天早晨都祷告说,『主,感谢你赐给我这一天来操练活你。主,我靠自己作不到。求你题醒我要活你,并赐给我为此所需要的恩典。』然而,我发现这样向主祷告后不久,我可能又回头活自己而不活基督。可能我的生活各方面都很好,但我可能还是没有活基督。我还不能有把握和保罗同作这样的见证:『在我,活著就是基督。』
9From my experience I can testify that the most difficult thing in our Christian life is to practice to live Christ. We may be “holy,” “spiritual,” and “victorious” without living Christ. Even though we may be “holy,” “spiritual,” and “victorious,” we are still the ones living our natural life. We are not living Christ. By nature, I am a quick person. When my sister heard that I had turned to the Lord, she was happy and wanted to help me. In particular, she tried to help me with my natural quickness. She would not rebuke me or correct me. Instead, she would tell me about others who were slow in their speech and behavior. Realizing what she was trying to do, I told the Lord that I regretted my quickness and asked Him to enable me to slow down. But my behavior was like that of a monkey imitating a human being. Although I could deliberately be slow for a few days, eventually I reverted to my natural quickness. Because I had been born a quick person, I just could not make myself slow down. At the time my sister tried to help me, she was teaching me to be slow. But she did not help me to live Christ. Now, more than fifty years later, I can be slow and patient. I can also control my temper. In a sense, I can be holy, spiritual, and victorious. But I have come to see that it is possible to do all this without living Christ. In order to live Christ we must take Him as our person and as our life. Although I have made progress in this matter, I admit that still my practice is not very successful. Almost every morning I pray, “Lord, I thank You for another day to practice living You. Lord, in myself, I cannot do this. I ask You to remind me to live You and grant me the grace I need for this.” I have found, however, that soon after praying to the Lord in this way, I may go back to living myself instead of living Christ. Everything about my living may be good, and yet I may not live Christ. I do not yet have the assurance to testify with Paul, “To me to live is Christ.”